February 2012
48 posts
I cannot seem to find the frames I want.
I’ve had a new prescription for a few weeks now. The very nice optometrist was patient with me despite my horrible tolerance to those horrid machines. A puff of air! Several bright flashes in the eye! What is this!? The middle ages??
Anyway, I checked the frames at LensCrafters, Sears, JC Penny, Walmart, Macys, a second LensCrafters, PearlVision… Err… Walgreens… I refuse...
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Tumblr: Crowdsourced Procrastination
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January 2012
85 posts
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They want to make electric cars make a fake engine...
“I think something wrong with your car… its making a sort of grinding noise.”
“Oh, don’t mind me, the piano just fell into the pool. ALLONS-Y!”
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“Theres no scientific consensus that life is important!”
– Professor Farnsworth
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THEY'RE ALL PLACEBOS ANYWAY
Samantha: *drops anti-baby pill onto floor and picks it up*
Me: Are you going to swallow that germy disgusting floor pill?
Samantha: I'd rather get sick than pregnant.
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“If there’s a big delicious cake, isn’t it better to have one slice,...”
– Zoidberg, on the topic of polygamy
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The sign warns you of upcoming signs.
Fire Alarm: BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG!
Lauren: So... its been about a minute. Should we be going?
Me: Naw, lets wait and see if its real.
Lauren: If we burn to death I'm blaming you.
Me: They usually give an announcement if its real. Just keep working until you feel hot.
Fire Alarm: BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG!
Woman over PA: Attention! The fire alarm system is undergoing a test. Evacuation is not necessary.
Lauren: What did she say?
Me: She said get back to work.
Fire Alarm: BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG! BLARG!
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Hey Stupid!
Samantha: Hey b***h!
Lauren: What?
Samantha: So are we meeting later?
Lauren: What?? Oh.
Me: She's on the phone with her sister.
Lauren: Yeah, I got that now.
Me: . . . Why did you respond?
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Birds and the Bees
Amanda: So I think its about that time we had the talk.
David: Talk? Which? You're breaking up with me?
Amanda: NO! The... how many people you've been with talk.
David: Oh. You know. Tons. Like, all the time.
Amanda: . . .
David: I was like, you know, a bird that got stuck in a bee hive and was just--up the wazoo in women. Like a bird that embraces all forms of bees and I did it all the different ways like perpendicular to the bed and... upside down and... to the left.
Amanda: Kaaay...
David: ...To the right...
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Look East. That red star that's all by itself is...
It’s visible with the naked eye and is in the night sky starting around 10pm (is when it gets above most obstacles like houses and trees). Give it a look, what else do you have to look at that’s better than an entire planet?
Some answers are actually acceptable.
effortlessmess:
so i get that in this scene its kind of implied that he says “i love you” but do you think while filming, David’s actually whispering something else? like its really windy today or i like gravy…? i dont know i just got to wondering *let your imagination go wild*
“They cancelled Futurama.”
“Camera man’s fly is open.”
“Poopy Cock.”
...
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“Chick Norris’ tears cure cancer.
Too bad he only cries when Rory gives...”
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Sloppy Snow
Me: It snowed several inches here in Chicago.
Jaws: It snowed here in Virginia as well! I think it was the same storm you got, only it wasn't as much snow.
Me: You got our sloppy seconds.
Jaws: EW.
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My first try with the Class R3 Laser
Okay, so this is my new toy.
DISCLAIMER: NOT A TOY. POINTING THIS AT AN AIRPLANE GETS YOU FREE FOOD AND SHELTER PAID FOR BY YOUR TAXES.
It is a Class R3 Laser, used in star gazing to point at stars in darkness. This type of laser has a green beam instead of a red one you might find at your local whatever for 50¢. It is also so powerful that you can actually SEE the beam, like in the picture....
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“Why doesn’t the air get out; its made of wood—you have a wooden time...”
– Amy Pond, after entering the TARDIS for the first time.
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“Oh, yeah, no, they updated the Doctor Who theme song since 1963. They added a...”
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Please Confirm Confirmation
Currently buying some used Manga on Albris.com and upon checkout something bugged me that seems to happen everywhere. Why does everywhere ask you to repeat your email address but not other important things like address or credit card information.
“We do not care to sell you your cart. 60% of our profits comes from selling and spamming your email address. We also need the email addresses to...
Life Inside the TARDIS: I've been going through... →
playwrightongallifrey:
…and I’m actually quite flustered as to why people would absolutely HATE Martha Jones. I mean, I came across at least three to four different people who said they hated her and were “glad that she was leaving.” I mean, do these people not realize the importance that Martha had during that season….
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ITS A BLOG!
Stranger1: Whats that in the sky??
Stranger2: ITS A BIRD! RIVETING!
Stranger3: ITS A PLANE! FUCK YEAH!
Stranger4: Birds? Planes? Who the hell cares?!
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Rick Perry 4 Prez 2012
Stranger1: I really hope Rick Perry runs for president. Or hell, even wins.
Stranger2: What?! Why! He's a crazy Christian bigot who makes it difficult for other Christians to be taken seriously
Stranger1: Yeah, but I haven't had a good laugh since Sarah Palin stopped threatening to become President.
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Then and Now
Young Me: ITS SNOWING!
Everyone else young: YAY! SNOW FORTS! FUN! BRIGHT SIDE OF EVERYTHING!
22 Year old Me: ITS SNOWING!
Everyone else: BOO! MY CAR! ICE! MY CAR! FREEZING! MY CAR! GLOOM! MY CAR! MY CAR!
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What does she think whoohoo is?
Stranger1: So, how are you and Amanda?
Stranger2: Pretty good.
Stranger1: The thing is I can't imagine Amanda doing the dirty business.
Stranger2: Well it is a little difficult with her. She turns of the lights, pulls the blinds, has us cover the clocks to get rid of the ambient light, and has our Sims on her computer hug.
Stranger1: ...
Stranger 2: She doesn't even let me watch them hug.
iknowthewaytonarnia asked: saw ur comment when you reblogged my teacher post. loved it lol. perhaps i will have them write papers on the time war for extra credit.... :D
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River Song / Eleven Fanfiction Excerpt
Eleven: Where did you learn how to do THAT!?
River Song: With the swirly thing? You.
Eleven: Me?!
River Song: Oddly enough when I asked you the question you said you got it from me.
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Doctor Who Dream!
I had a dream I was in some sort of battlefield. Everything was blue and dark and raining though I wasn’t wet for some reason.
Then there were these statues. I think you know which. Well in my dream their eyes glowed and the only way to destroy them was in a fire. I had a few co workers with me and I kept telling them “KEEP LOOKING AT THE STATUES” while I tried to stoke the...
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I'm Arrogant and I Know it...
Stranger1: God, this LMFAO song "I'm Sexy and I know it" is THE most arrogant song I have ever had the displeasure of hearing.
Stranger2: You're just jealous.
Stranger1: Yes. I am. I am extremely jealous that I do not have a song dedicated to me, and written and sung by me.
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Commercials... commercials!!
My DVR is clean of anything I’m willing to watch right now.
So I noticed that Futurama was on channel U. Then…
Commercials. I haven’t seen those in months.
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The word "Hipster" is too mainstream
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I don't watch Jersey Shore, however...
I hear that one of the characters from the show is named “The Situation” and this person has a website as “OfficialSituation.com”. This is a HUGE missed opportunity to have named his website “SituationRoom.com”, as that domain seems to be available and would have been epic.
What sucks the most about this missed opportunity is that of the five people that I know...
when i'm a teacher i plan on making the extra...
iknowthewaytonaria:
and also about music, various other awesome shows, and books. but i want them to leave my class with not only an education of history, but also knowing the succession of all the doctors.
molding young minds right there
“Why is ‘Doctor Who Trivia’ 75% of our grade?”
“If you have to ask, you’ve already failed my class.”
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loveology.: I like to imagine some of my favorite... →
heart4rescue:
But instead of playing for money they have slips of paper with different plot points.
Moffat: Lets start the bid at two jokes about the main characters being a couple.
Gatiss: I call you’re two “couple” jokes and raise you a meta joke.
Edlund: I’ll raise you 30 seconds of gay eyesex.
Kripke: I…
Loser has to purposely insert a plot hole.
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“Why do I call it ‘yellow’ hair and not ‘blond’ hair?...”
– Tina Fey in her autobiography Bossypants
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I SHIP WILLIAM HARTNELL AND BILLIE PIPER
Just to see the look on your face.
